Im lost...

...in this sea of humanity, with no one to call my own.

I find myself talking to inanimate objects around me,
hoping they would respond. But then again, who am I kidding?

Im lost...and I fear I won't find my own self...ever again.

About time I posted this...

LOVE



So world doesn’t seem like a bad place after all. Now that you have all that you ever wanted in life; a great job, a loving family, and you also have found the love of your life. Life is so good! I mean what else could you wish for. There is nothing more soothing than the feeling of having someone so special that you could share your life with. Hmm… intimacy, togetherness…, love.



The mechanism of love works in a very strange way. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy proposes. Girl says “No”. Boy is sad. Girl is sad. Girl wishes she could set things right. Boy calls again. Girl says she needs to think (yeah right!!!). Boy keeps calling. Finally girl says “Yes”. Boy is happy. Girl is happy. And they live happily ever after or do they? Generally the part between boy proposes and happily ever after is left out, is guess due to emotional reasons.



The feeling of love, complete, satisfying, assuring, and to the most part misleading. Why? The deactivation of the façade that love builds is not easy. It is most elaborate, is this mirage. It shows a happy place, one that feels so nice that you don’t want to look away. But what is it that makes it an illusion and not the actuality. Most of us have felt it, but are too, let me say, afraid to discuss it. Fearing not for the repercussions, but the fallout.



Consider a simple thing. We, all mature people, find the person we are so into, so deeply involved with. We are in love. But are we? Isn’t it just the feeling of security; security that someone is there for you, security that you are not alone, security that you are like everyone else, security that someone likes you too; that keeps us, in love. If we take away all these feelings of being secure, will there still be, love?



I don’t say that there is nothing like true love, or the one who is made for you. Well, I do say something like this but exceptions are always there. People can be strange. So strange that they think you are the world to them. But, try to think and then ask yourself, how soon will they find someone else who is the world for them? You aren’t perfect. And if that someone else, manages to give the love of your life something that you either can’t or won’t or just not so clearly, give then that’s see you, bye, bye to the “love” that you hold so dear.



It happens. To more people than you can imagine. In more ways than you can think of. And for more weird reasons than humanly possible. Someone you love can be loved by someone else more. Someone you think of all day could just be even in someone’s dreams. So where does the love go? If you ask me, it passed on. You can’t have love forever. It moves on. Touches everyone in some way. So, what was it that we thought was ours forever? Where did that feeling go?



Most of who are reading this will be thinking. “What is this person talking about? This is not the way it works. I know because I am in love.” Sorry Sunny, the cruel fact is, it is true, and very much so. Shit happens man, and it happens right here when you are least prepared. And there is nothing you can do about it. There is something though. Keep your options open. Leave some space for you. If you are blind in love, you are most likely going to be crushed when the train of feelings passes over you. Because you won’t see it coming. This is the real world. Fairy tales do come true but only sometimes. And believe me that sometimes is really sometimes.

Love is...

overrated...

The state of me

Now where do I begin...

A lot of things have been happening. Too many for any one person to control. And consequently, quite a few of them have spiralled out of control. I am trying my best to get a grip on these, but as always...something always goes wrong.

Its been ages since I have been satisfied with my life. Just when it seems that things are going great, something happens which brings the house down. And then when I think that things cant get any worse...they do. And here I am now, seemingly caught up in so many situations that I dont know how to divide my priorities between them. And the worst part of it all is...Im on my own.

I spend my time juggling what best I can...but some things are just beyond my control. And trying to make those things happen only brings more anguish, and disgust. Even inspite of my best efforts...things are not concluding. They continue going on and nuances keep creeping up here and there. Then more time has to be spent in solving them and the task drags forward...painstakingly...slowly.

I look at everyone else around me and see the happinness in their eyes. I try to find peace in the thought that this will be me someday. But I know in my heart of hearts that I have been chasing this dream for far too long...and now I just have to accept my fate and just live my life like it is, like it has always been...In a constant and never-ending state of uncontrollable flux.

I long for peace.

I long for calmness in my heart.

I long for just that one voice of respite which says "Im here for you. Everything will be fine."

But as I said, this has been a fleeting dream that I am trying too hard to hold on to.

Its best to just...let go.

life...

Cuz its a bittersweet...symphony...this life...
Trying to make ends meet...we're slaves to the money...

...then we die...

Ground control to Major Tom...

Houston...bzzzzzzzzssshhhhh...we have a...bbbzzzzssssshhhhh...problem...bbbzzzzssshh...

Dazed...

I spend my days in a trance...
And nights wide awake...

Is it just me ? Or has everything lost meaning ?

The scariest part...yet...

I always thought that people are generally scared of things like ghosts and demons...and dark places.

But I have experienced...a new kind of scare.

This kind of scare does not frighten you like the others...but it does shake you to your core...and makes you loose the sense of what to say...It does not make you scream...but yet you are not at ease with yourself...


Yesterday, I talked to my prospective mother-in-law for the first time.

Happy New Year ?

Another year gone by, another year waiting in the wings...
I am not sure whether I should be happy or sad...
It is the new year...
Time for fun, for trying out new things, for new beginnings.

...


But then again, its a whole new year.

How I wish it was December'07 now...How I wish...

Love...

"My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;
Where can we find two better hemispheres,
Without sharp north, without declining west?

Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally;
If our two loves be one, or thou and I Love so alike
that none can slacken, none can die."


Tristan + Isolde

!

Why ?

Nothing works...

I tried a heavy dose of games the other weekend to get me out of this situation...Nothing works...Quake 4...Halo...NFS:Carbon...I dont feel like playing any of them right now...

This is going from bad to worse...I am missing her and the only thing that can cure me is being with her...and that is one thing that I am not able to do right now...

Ironically, I was the one who chose to come here in the first place...paradise...shamaradise...Its all useless...without her.

Will this pain ever stop ?

Timeless...

Need I say more...

Ctrl+Alt+Del

Why this ?

Dear Lord,

Please don't do this to me. I beg of you. What have I done to be deserving this ?
Please Lord...please...

Me.

Those were the days...

Huh...

What Video Game Should You Be In? [Many outcomes! Pics!]

Max Payne
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Our Deepest Fear...

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.


- Nelson Mandela

Marianne Williamson from her book A Return to Love

The Land of the Blind...

When I first heard that we will be going to a restaurant in Zurich...I wasn't expecting much. Only when a friend of mine told me that we are going to 'The Blind Cow', did things start looking up.

'BlindeKuh' or 'The Blind Cow' is a very special restaurant in Zurich. Whats so special about this place ? Well, apart from the fact that the entire staff, sans the cheif cook and the Receptionist, are blind, there is one more twist to this place. The conceptualist of this place , Mr. Joerg Spielmann, is blind. The idea of making people sighted experience the world like a person with no sight, was what brought this restaurant into being in 1999.

The restaurant offers the experience of eating in the dark. And by dark, I mean pitch dark. No light sources are allowed into the restaurant. Cell phones, illuminated watches, lighters etc... are all dissallowed. Smoking is not permitted. The guests are let into the entrance hall, which is lighted, where they make their choice of food from the menu written on the wall. For blind guests, the menu is read out. Once decided, the receptionist calls out a helper, who is blind, and then he/she leads all the guests, in a bee-line formation, first into a partially dark room to aquaint the eyes and then into the completely dark main seating hall. The helper then tells you his/her name and then you have to call out the name in case you need anything. The only respite from the darkness are the restrooms, where also you are led to by the helper.

So I reached there with my friends around 7:15 pm. We made the choice from a three course menu, A starter, the main course and a dessert. We were asked to put all out cell phones, luminiscient watches, lighters etc...in a locker in the entrance hall. Then a helper was called out to guide us inside. Her name was Sabeena. Sabeena could not see. She asked us to make a bee-line formation, like kids in kindergarden, and follow her.

After reaching inside the main hall, one thing was clearly evident, the place was dark. Completely and totally dark. There was not even a glimmer of light from anywhere. The experience of being in such a place, where it does not matter whether your eyes are closed or open, is exhilarating. Sabeena showed us to out seats and we were seated. We checked our relative positions by talking to each other and listening to the reply. That was the only way of knowing where people were seated. We could hear other people, eating, talking, laughing, but we could not see a thing.

The next challenge was making sure we knew the placement of the knives and forks and glasses. Once that was memorized, it wasnt much difficult. Although at times, we did take each others drinks. Food came. But managing to eat with a knife and fork was a major challenge. So, most of us decided to ignore the etiquette and eat with out hands. It did not make much difference as we could not see each other anyways. Filling the glasses with drinks was another challenge.

Towards the end of the evening, we were completely in awe of the helpers who were able to negotiate through the place, remember everyone's orders, and the placement of items on the tables.

A very old story came to mind. A sighted man is lost and reaches the land of the blind. And understands the handicap of being too dependent on sight.

For anyone who wishes to visit the place, which I highly recommend, here are the details :

Blindekuh
Muhlebachstrasse
148 8008 Zurich
Switzerland
Tel: 01 421 50 50
Fax: 01 421 50 55
www.blindekuh.ch



The menu is a la carte. A dinner that includes starter, main course and dessert, costs about 50 EUROS. Drinks are extra.

The place is generally full, so make the reservations well in advance.

One of the best...

Saw Revolver.
Was impressed.
Comes from the same stable as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

The man behind them is Guy Ritchie.

Simply Brilliant...the man and the movies.

Go & Watch. ASAP.