Thursday, July 25, 2013

The last post said "...sorta."

Its been a while, eh ?

Gave this place a bit of a dust-up.

I really don't know what I'm gonna scribble in here.
I guess, with time, we shall see.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Im lost... this sea of humanity, with no one to call my own.

I find myself talking to inanimate objects around me,
hoping they would respond. But then again, who am I kidding?

Im lost...and I fear I won't find my own self...ever again.

Friday, June 27, 2008

About time I posted this...


So world doesn’t seem like a bad place after all. Now that you have all that you ever wanted in life; a great job, a loving family, and you also have found the love of your life. Life is so good! I mean what else could you wish for. There is nothing more soothing than the feeling of having someone so special that you could share your life with. Hmm… intimacy, togetherness…, love.

The mechanism of love works in a very strange way. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy proposes. Girl says “No”. Boy is sad. Girl is sad. Girl wishes she could set things right. Boy calls again. Girl says she needs to think (yeah right!!!). Boy keeps calling. Finally girl says “Yes”. Boy is happy. Girl is happy. And they live happily ever after or do they? Generally the part between boy proposes and happily ever after is left out, is guess due to emotional reasons.

The feeling of love, complete, satisfying, assuring, and to the most part misleading. Why? The deactivation of the fa├žade that love builds is not easy. It is most elaborate, is this mirage. It shows a happy place, one that feels so nice that you don’t want to look away. But what is it that makes it an illusion and not the actuality. Most of us have felt it, but are too, let me say, afraid to discuss it. Fearing not for the repercussions, but the fallout.

Consider a simple thing. We, all mature people, find the person we are so into, so deeply involved with. We are in love. But are we? Isn’t it just the feeling of security; security that someone is there for you, security that you are not alone, security that you are like everyone else, security that someone likes you too; that keeps us, in love. If we take away all these feelings of being secure, will there still be, love?

I don’t say that there is nothing like true love, or the one who is made for you. Well, I do say something like this but exceptions are always there. People can be strange. So strange that they think you are the world to them. But, try to think and then ask yourself, how soon will they find someone else who is the world for them? You aren’t perfect. And if that someone else, manages to give the love of your life something that you either can’t or won’t or just not so clearly, give then that’s see you, bye, bye to the “love” that you hold so dear.

It happens. To more people than you can imagine. In more ways than you can think of. And for more weird reasons than humanly possible. Someone you love can be loved by someone else more. Someone you think of all day could just be even in someone’s dreams. So where does the love go? If you ask me, it passed on. You can’t have love forever. It moves on. Touches everyone in some way. So, what was it that we thought was ours forever? Where did that feeling go?

Most of who are reading this will be thinking. “What is this person talking about? This is not the way it works. I know because I am in love.” Sorry Sunny, the cruel fact is, it is true, and very much so. Shit happens man, and it happens right here when you are least prepared. And there is nothing you can do about it. There is something though. Keep your options open. Leave some space for you. If you are blind in love, you are most likely going to be crushed when the train of feelings passes over you. Because you won’t see it coming. This is the real world. Fairy tales do come true but only sometimes. And believe me that sometimes is really sometimes.

Monday, March 03, 2008

The state of me

Now where do I begin...

A lot of things have been happening. Too many for any one person to control. And consequently, quite a few of them have spiralled out of control. I am trying my best to get a grip on these, but as always...something always goes wrong.

Its been ages since I have been satisfied with my life. Just when it seems that things are going great, something happens which brings the house down. And then when I think that things cant get any worse...they do. And here I am now, seemingly caught up in so many situations that I dont know how to divide my priorities between them. And the worst part of it all is...Im on my own.

I spend my time juggling what best I can...but some things are just beyond my control. And trying to make those things happen only brings more anguish, and disgust. Even inspite of my best efforts...things are not concluding. They continue going on and nuances keep creeping up here and there. Then more time has to be spent in solving them and the task drags forward...painstakingly...slowly.

I look at everyone else around me and see the happinness in their eyes. I try to find peace in the thought that this will be me someday. But I know in my heart of hearts that I have been chasing this dream for far too long...and now I just have to accept my fate and just live my life like it is, like it has always been...In a constant and never-ending state of uncontrollable flux.

I long for peace.

I long for calmness in my heart.

I long for just that one voice of respite which says "Im here for you. Everything will be fine."

But as I said, this has been a fleeting dream that I am trying too hard to hold on to.

Its best to just...let go.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


Cuz its a bittersweet...symphony...this life...
Trying to make ends meet...we're slaves to the money...

...then we die...