Monday, March 03, 2008

The state of me

Now where do I begin...

A lot of things have been happening. Too many for any one person to control. And consequently, quite a few of them have spiralled out of control. I am trying my best to get a grip on these, but as always...something always goes wrong.

Its been ages since I have been satisfied with my life. Just when it seems that things are going great, something happens which brings the house down. And then when I think that things cant get any worse...they do. And here I am now, seemingly caught up in so many situations that I dont know how to divide my priorities between them. And the worst part of it all is...Im on my own.

I spend my time juggling what best I can...but some things are just beyond my control. And trying to make those things happen only brings more anguish, and disgust. Even inspite of my best efforts...things are not concluding. They continue going on and nuances keep creeping up here and there. Then more time has to be spent in solving them and the task drags forward...painstakingly...slowly.

I look at everyone else around me and see the happinness in their eyes. I try to find peace in the thought that this will be me someday. But I know in my heart of hearts that I have been chasing this dream for far too long...and now I just have to accept my fate and just live my life like it is, like it has always been...In a constant and never-ending state of uncontrollable flux.

I long for peace.

I long for calmness in my heart.

I long for just that one voice of respite which says "Im here for you. Everything will be fine."

But as I said, this has been a fleeting dream that I am trying too hard to hold on to.

Its best to just...let go.

1 comment:

Alok said...

Just because I am not in touch with you does not mean I ceased to exist.....
I am just writing this to tell you that "
I m here for you. Everything will be fine"

So have faith and cheer up