Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Life...or something unlike it...

I am bored today. The reason is dependencies. We have so many dependencies at work that even if one of the associated factions is not able to function properly, we are left with no choice but to wait for it to fuction again...and that is frustrating. There is nothing that we can do about it other than reminding them over and over again about the importance of the timeliness of the work that we are doing and why they need to be up and running very very soon.

This is life I guess. If one thing in your life is not functioning properly, things grind to a halt. Nothing moves forward...nothing goes on. I have no idea why, but this makes me think sometime if I have made this happen to me or if I have just landed into this state of affairs.

That being said, all I want is to be happy...with me and things around me...but that is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. There is no definite process...there are no rules...just you and everything else. You have to figure it out on your own...and that is a scary thought...you only know that you are wrong when its too late and when things dont actually turn around the way you intended them to. It would be really nice the other way around...if you could define everything that happens around you and not be driven by it. Life would be so simple then...things would be much more easier and fun.

I think I wont be going there today. I do not want people to judge me, and that is what they do most of the time. I will have to think of a good reason not to be there. But I do not think I will come up with one good enough to get me out of this conjuncture. I guess I will just have to make myself go there and face it all...crap.

If there were a way that I could get out, it would make me happy. But I do not think there is. Or maybe I am not looking hard enough.

Damn, I think too much.

1 comment:

SEV said...

Over-analysis is never wrong, misunderstanding the results is. Nothing ever really goes "wrong", it just seems so then.. a later time you realise that there was probably no other way that things should have worked out for you.

We are naturally dependent, we have to be. The idea is to realise that there are those dependent on us too. This helps, I think.

Inherent chaos and causality is one of the beauties.. for all frustration, there is that little comic angle that this provides.

I've had enough of sounding like a philosopher for one day.
In short, reality sucks :)